By Ellen White.
If my thoughts were visible, people would know that my intention was only to come from a good place.
If other people’s thoughts were visible, I may have avoided much of the pain experienced in past relationships and conflicts, because it serves me better to believe that, as humans, we are inherently good. And if thoughts were visible, we might all better see that oftentimes, words and actions do not always reflect truth.
It is a tall task to embrace compassion in a situation of seemingly dysfunctional and confusing interaction. And I have found that much of my life has been needlessly spent recuperating from misunderstood perceptions about many difficult confrontations and events.
I know that in my thoughts, in almost all cases, I only wanted what I thought was good for all people involved, yet I ended up struggling and conflicted due to a lack of understanding.
Unfortunately, much of the damage has been done. Emotional struggle wears out our spirit by requiring constant nurturance and strength. In order to protect myself better for the future, I want to believe that in a world where we are out of control in understanding the motives of another person, most people come from an intention of creating goodness.
Disagreements occur unnecessarily between people because words and actions can misrepresent a higher truth hidden behind the scenes.
But lately I have been imagining a thought bubble on top of all of our heads, revealing a person’s essence, thoughts and intentions, which might perhaps help us walk around smiling, as opposed to frowning, in this world.
We would realize that even for those whom we never thought capable, there is the possibility that they are carrying relatively good thoughts about the world, their lives, relationships, and hopes for a better life.
Imagine a world where people walked around with these thought bubbles above their heads, similar to what is depicted in comic books. Of course there would be crazy, dysfunctional and vulgar thoughts on display, however there might also be some much needed enlightenment — knowing that people may be internally better than their exterior images.
Much of my life has been spent misinterpreting situations. Even within my family, where a lot of us believe we were raised in a seemingly destructive way. However, if we knew our parents’ true thoughts behind their actions, maybe we’d understand that their goal was for the good.
I have also spent quite a bit of my time so far misinterpreting the words and actions in past relationships.
The absence of words also cause negative interpretations when most of the time the thoughts behind the silence may be positive.
How many of us have blamed our relationship partners for not calling when we wanted, leading us to think the worst, suffering internally, when their silence was merely a gesture for a hope of ultimately getting closer? If only I could have seen their thoughts as they were making a decision to not call… how awesome would it have been to have known their truer intention.
Imagine the following thought bubble: “I’m not calling you because I am very interested in our relationship, and I need to take this time to reflect and grow better.” Yet when they do finally call, they are greeted with anger instead of joy.
If only I could go back to all those misunderstandings I experienced in relationships, where I suffered through negative thoughts, to later understand that their thoughts were never hurtful at the root. The need to affirm that people are inherently good and seeking positive circumstances for others is necessary to healing this process of misunderstanding and confusion.
There is too much needless suffering. Is it me, or is it them? Is it me assuming negative thoughts, or them wrongfully portraying negative behavior? How can we all grow to assume the best? How can we all grow to give people the benefit of the doubt?
“Wonder rather than doubt is the root of all knowledge.” ~ Abraham Joshua Heschel
If we can stop to wonder where a person is coming from, we can reduce our instinct to receive information negatively. If we can stop to wonder about the life situation of another person, we can promote healing instead of judgment. If we can stop to wonder why we create, and thus seemingly attract, negative interpretations, we can look more at ourselves than the perceived opponent.
The amount of daily conflict surrounding people’s lives is an unfortunate energy field that grows in to global negativity. As I grow wiser and more conscious, I realize my own path of fearful thinking and assumed blame. Our reactions seem to become highly automatic as we age, and it is a constant challenge to stay positive and judgment-free.
Why must I assume that I have done something wrong to cause another to want to hurt me?
And how many times do we have to hear that it comes from our childhood? How many years does one have to suffer due to childhood conditioning? As the co-owner of a dating website, I work with relationship therapists and study self-help books and techniques that continually focus on healing the wounds of our childhoods past.
What I read most is how blocked and damaged we all are. Is it not enough already?
No matter the amount of books read, or therapy sessions attended, the demons of our past continue to haunt us. But if our thoughts were visible, then people could better understand that we rarely wish harm onto another, and that in our own unique and distorted ways, we attempt to make good solid choices for the benefit of all those involved.
Visible thoughts in thought bubbles should become the new sign language, secretly portraying:
“Don’t listen to my words alone, or solely pay heed to my actions. Instead, just know my thoughts, for they are only doing their very best.”
Ellen White is a creatively inspired writer and entrepreneur. She writes from a spirited place within where questions about life integrate with visions of hope and self-imagined destiny. She studied Journalism at University of Florida, and is now a driven business owner seeking to share a passionate message in a world currently obscured in creativity, love and vision. She dedicates herself to inspiring people beyond the limits of mainstream understanding, and potentially leading them to probe in to what could be, if only… if only more could dare to imagine that dream where life was filled with grandeur, possibility and emotional enrichment. This message is infused virtually online through her business OmSingles.com, a progressive and creatively-inspired dating website she co-owns with a partner.
As previously published in RebelleSociety